And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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