What did we do last night that was yellow?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize