fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
