the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
