it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
