After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
