you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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