You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
