He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
