I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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