We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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