the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
