Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
