I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
