I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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