So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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