every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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