Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
