Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
