dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
