I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry about my life...
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