At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
