you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
