Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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