i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
