when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
