You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
