I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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