Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
