It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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