whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
