i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
