Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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