All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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