No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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