laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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