i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
