Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sarcasm needs its own font
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
