my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
