I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
