It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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