I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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