do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
