I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
