Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
