i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
