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those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
