I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
