"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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