overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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