well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize