I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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