He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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