We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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