shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We have so much sex to catch up on
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
