I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
