I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
