just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
