I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
