careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
