I look better un-naked...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
smell my finger.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
