We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
