i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
