I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
