i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Randomize
