I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
