see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Do vagina's smell?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
