do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
