I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
