It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
