matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
