You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
