DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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