i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
