paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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