I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
