so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize