Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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