that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
