the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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