I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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