so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
