They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
